I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
