I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
