These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
