You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
