We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
