my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
