there's paper in my vomit.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
