I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I deserve this hangover.
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