I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
