your parents love me but you hate me
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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