Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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