The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
