Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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