My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My penis needs a shock collar
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
