dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
