i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
