Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
