Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
