I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize