I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
