I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
