you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
