I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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