My friends, they love my intelligence
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
