You really coming over, don't trick.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
