I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Is Oprah even human
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
