She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
