remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
it's great music for shaving your balls
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
