I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize