he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
