Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
