Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
