she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
