I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
