After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
