ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
