I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
COCAINE IS GR8
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
do nipples grow back?
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