Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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