I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
