My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
