Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
