There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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