I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
