Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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