I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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