i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
