No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
