You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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