I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
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