Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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