i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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