a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Who died my cat blue again?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
