We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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