Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
