when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
