it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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