Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
