Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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