I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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