I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
