If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize