You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
