U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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