you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
