Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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