fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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