Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
