Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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