The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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