You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I am naked and annoyed.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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