Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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