Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
where am i from again
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
