Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
