and you said cock pushups were impossible
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
