On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
