dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize