Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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