when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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