He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize