I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
