i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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