i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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