i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
