I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
