my vag is so smooth its legendary
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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