Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
