sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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