I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
