Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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