So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
