Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My dick has a subreddit
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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