I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
