I cannot find my penis.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize