If i come over, it means nothing
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I believe in your delicious
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
