You just made me feel so damn special
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
