maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
