Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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