I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
