I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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