No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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