2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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