Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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