I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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