Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
