I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
